A friend of mine had a problem, as soon as she got intimate with a guy, he’d disappear. It was really strange because she’s very smart, pretty and WORKS IN A BANK (which is almost a prerequisite for marriage these days). And it’s not as if she was jumping into bed with every Dick and Harry, she’d actually get to know the guy, wait the respectable 3months before going all the way. But still, the guy never calls back. She even went to a certain church and the pastor told her that it was a spiritual problem known as ‘EVIL ODOUR’. Then one day, she was trying on a dress in my presence and I suddenly saw the problem. She had thick nappy hair on her ……. BUTT CHEEKS. SHOCKING. Well I quickly nipped that problem in the bud (Pun emphatically intended) and she was married soon after.
Still basking in the euphoria of helping my friend get hitched, I try to take my match-making skills a step further. I decided to introduce two people I think are meant for each other. As I am walking confidently with the guy towards the girl, he stops suddenly and says “I hope it’s not that bearded girl that you are about to introduce to me? I cannot marry my fellow man”. Or as my Ibo brothers would say, ‘Nwoke ibem’.
When a woman abnormally grows hair on parts of the body where men typically grow hair, e.g. chest, face, back, and in rare cases the butt, the condition is known as HIRSUTISM. It is usually caused by high levels of male hormones, symptoms also can include:
- Irregular menstrual periods
- Acne
- Loss of feminine body shape
- Signs of masculinity — deepening voice, frontal balding, enlarged clitoris, enlarged shoulder muscles
High levels of male hormones can be caused by:
- Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) — often associated with infertility
- Tumors on the adrenal glands or ovaries
- Cushing syndrome
- Severe insulin resistance
- Medications that can cause hair growth — phenytoin, minoxidil, diazoxide, cyclosporine, and hexachlorobenzene
- Anabolic steroids
- Danazol — a substance used to treat endometriosis
The treatment for hirsutism depends how severe the problem is and whether there is an underlying cause. For example, a woman with hirsutism may be advised to stop taking medications that could be contributing to the condition. If a tumor on the ovaries or adrenal glands is the cause, it may be removed surgically. Overweight women with hirsutism may be advised to lose weight to lower androgen production in the body.
On the bright side, I’ve heard that some Nigerian men find hairy legs and arms a turn on. However, hirtutism can cause major psychological issues to those affected, so think twice before you tease that hairy girl next door.
