As I sit here, mulling over my options for an introductory paragraph to a post that’s long overdue, all that comes to mind is a silly little adage: “When it rains, it pours.”
I say this because it was over five months ago when I decided to start searching for another day job — and during those five months, nothing interesting happened.
Practically every day was spent searching for a job. My daily routine consisted of searching for and applying to jobs. The process often stole my energy, causing me to regularly fail to write new content for my blog.
Furthermore, I was concerned that even if I did muster enough energy to write something, I might only write boring “non-updates” about my job hunt. I was afraid that maybe I’d publish article after article saying “I applied to a job I’m hopeful about today” or “I interviewed for a job I’m excited about today.”
I kept telling myself that LifeReboot is a blog aimed at following dreams, reinventing yourself, and personal development. I was consciously trying to prevent LifeReboot from turning into a “Diary of a Job Search.”
Consequently, I experienced some stress caused by two incessant thoughts:
1. I was frustrated at how seemingly hopeless my job hunt was, and
2. I was upset that I was wasting time that could have been spent writing.
I would lie awake at night worrying about the future. Every day I failed to publish a new article made me feel a bit more uncreative, uninspiring, and altogether uninteresting.
What made things worse was the fear that I’d run out of money before I found a new job. It permeated my subconscious so fully that I couldn’t concentrate on anything that might help me relax:
I couldn’t read — I’d just read the same paragraph over and over again.
I couldn’t add to my manuscript — My “priorities” would cause writer’s block.
I couldn’t even watch television — I’d see commercials about education/training programs that would “change your life in just six months,” news updates about the tanking local economy, or shows on the Discovery channel about people leading lives that are far more interesting than mine.
In a sentence, not a whole lot was going on in my life for quite some time, and it was torturous. Then, seemingly all at once, everything happened:
My grandmother had surgery.
My parents visited her in western Pennsylvania during her recovery.
They saw it as a good opportunity to visit me at the same time.
Now at this point, it doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Simply schedule a time that’s mutually convenient for both parties to get together for two days or so — and since I was unemployed, how hard could it possibly be?
Enter our trip to Chicago. Three days, two nights, and all expenses paid by Cassie’s father in celebration of her birthday. Everything is still relatively simple — just schedule my parents’ visit at a different time than our Chicago trip.
Enter my second interview at a startup. It seemed like a position that would challenge me while simultaneously providing a lot of opportunity to learn new things. There was a good chance that if I was offered the position at a decent salary, I would accept it.
Boom, my computer explodes. Hard drive is kaput. 7000 email messages from 1.5 years of running LifeReboot vanish, along with Cassie’s letters of recommendation and resume.
Bam, I’m offered the job at the startup, and they want me to start yesterday. I try and negotiate a better offer, but the best they can do is offer a pay increase after a 3-month review. I accept.
Whiz-bang, we’re on an 8am-midnight schedule in Chicago while touring the city, and we still didn’t get to see everything we wanted to. After I drive the five-hour drive home, I’m ready to catch as much sleep as possible before my first day at work — but my anxiety doesn’t let me.
I was told it was a 9-5 job, but my first day definitely lasted over ten hours. The next day wasn’t nearly as long, but since we planned on introducing my parents to Cassie’s parents that evening, it basically was.
By the time the weekend arrives, my parents have left the mitten, and I have just enough time to outfit my computer with a new hard drive and get it working before the new workweek begins.
After all this, Monday night rolls around, and I find myself with a moment to catch my breath. It’s so fitting how once I finally get the chance to inhale deeply, the words just come pouring out when I exhale.
