I’ve a feeling that there are so many issues going on in some homes right now and this, I need to treat. I can hear men and women sounding bitter as regards to their loved ones; “why, he is too difficult to please” . . . “I never knew she will turn this way”. Friend, I understand just how you feel and here comes the solution.
We always want our friends or partners made just like us. Most times we want them to know our intentions even before saying them. Then we act as the superman forgetting that we are just Clark Kent in costume; you might be worse in ways. Everyone you encounter on this planet or probably walk into your life can never be perfect. On your side, I can hear your weakness; those words you murmur in you closet – when he has gone out, when she is not around. I mean those things you wish you could change, your habit, attitude and many more.
Friend, what you are experiencing with your spouse is only a phase, the best you can do is to help him/her pass through the dark times and you both shall celebrate the light. Never compare them to anyone; you might be doing more damage than harm. The fact remains that those you praise and admire as superhuman are just in costume. Their weakness are just sealed off your sight, you are not privileged to see it because you are not that close to them. Maybe you need to ask their spouse, friends or relatives closer to them, and then you know. Every man is made good but sometimes, our past drop faults in us and thereby makes us frail and vulnerable.
To the wives, sometimes, you need to be the mouthpiece of your husband. Sometimes, you need to stand in that gap. Sometimes, you need to be the courageous one, just to save your home. You might not have the perfect adjective to qualify what he has become, yet he needs you. In counseling I do ask “has he always been like that?” if the answer is “yes”, then you’ve made a mistake! If “no”, the change you desire is near, all you need is to stretch forth your caring hand and pull him out of the pit. Don’t ever conclude so easily on that man because you can’t play destiny. Now that he needs you, your understand, help him pass through those turbulence phases. Don’t leave him in that imperfection, that weakness, that bankruptcy because it’s just for a while.
To the husbands, that woman can not be bent or made to your satisfactory standard. Appreciate her! Let that same thing that pulled you to her pull you forever. Acknowledge the fact that she trying her bit to be the perfect sample of the woman you deserve and let that be clearly applauded. Know that you’ve got some minus, and even in that, she still tells her friends, that she loves you. She might not be who you expect her to be but you can put the image into her with a well defined expectation that it might work. If it doesn’t, don’t blame her because you don’t have the slightest experience of her background. Always commend what she does best (a gift best suit that purpose) and politely talk her into what she is yet to be good at.
Finally, love the fault you see in that man, that woman because the other person you admire might just be an embodiment of faults – just that, you are not that close! Remember, they can be the Clark Kent in superman costume.
Till you read from me again. Cheers! © 2010.
