Let us take a brief moment to consider this example: a certain lady spent her life fantasizing about the kind of partner she’d want to fall in love with, when she eventually did. She gave her conditions, standards and expectations of such a man which encompassed aspects of his physical appearance and inner nature. Her judgment of other men was invariably based on those of this imaginary man. After waiting like ‘forever’, she finally came across such a man in reality……only much better! He was everything she had imagined he would be and even more. She became elated and fell head over heels in love. She couldn’t help it. After having a few kids with him, the lady discovered she had all along been married to a lie. He was not at all who she had imagined he would be. Well, physically he met her expectations, but as far as character that summed him up was concerned, he was found wanting. Possessive, quite violent with an irrational quick temper best described his nature, and he had a string of extra marital affairs trailing behind him ‘as the icing on the cake’. She soon couldn’t envision life with him another moment!, and sought refuge for herself and their children. But on the day she was to have made good her plans for escape, she was instead lying critically in the hospital: bodily bruises and fractures making up the new her. His temper had obviously gotten the better of him after he had learnt she was about to run. On her hospital bed thence, she regretted ever setting eyes on him, wondering how she had imagined he was so perfect; he had seemed, then, too good to be true. Cutting the story short, after a brief period of bitter fights filled with emotional and psychological aches for her, this lady was free finally to take her children and separate herself from him. Then, the next thing she knew, he had ‘disappeared’ into thin air and she couldn’t be sure where he had gone, but wherever he was, she was certain another lady may be putting herself at risk being with him.
This of course may be an extreme case to cite as an example, but in very basic ways, many people who hope to fall in love and are led by their fantasies often find in the end how wrong they had gotten it. We must realise that to fantasize is quite normal and can be emotionally liberating especially when seeking for the perfect partner. Hence, we shouldn’t be afraid to indulge in a few healthy fantasies. But how much of it is simply not possible? Most people don’t just settle for ‘right’, they’d understand ‘perfect’. We may seek the perfect partner who would give us the joy, security and affection craved for—and this is alright—but, by knowing that we do ourselves have our own weaknesses, shortcomings and flaws we may slightly understand that actually finding a perfect one may be an uphill task. We must learn to be understanding to others’ shortcomings. In love, we may set standards but we must learn to exercise some reasonable degree of flexibility when using them as a guide.
Don’t be afraid to dream! Only be sure that you can separate it from the reality.
