I heard this line sometime ago, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy planning other things.” I wondered what whoever originally wrote or spoke these words must have been going through or seen to evoke such a quizzical conclusion. Today however, I dare to say I have joined this seemingly unconventional school of thought.
Usually, the average individual has a future mapped out from a rather early stage. It is quite common to hear kids and young adults talk about their dreams of becoming doctors, lawyers, pastors, clergymen and a host of other respected professions that they have come to admire and covet in the course of their brief sojourn on earth. They instinctively flow towards the realization of these dreams once they are clearly defined. As these young ones mature, they occasionally employ phrases like ‘As God wills’, whilst knowing fully well that they have a premeditated life purpose. In fact, the typical individual would more often than not hope that the plan he has designed would be the will of God. This act of unconscious self reliance perhaps may not necessarily be a offense against the Almighty Creator given the pragmatic reality that man is naturally programmed to be a protector of his self interest.
I drew up my life plan at age eighteen shortly after gaining admission into the University. The plan was to become a Professor of Economics before I turned forty. I envisaged that I would get my First Degree on graduation from University by twenty three all things been equal; go straight for a Masters Degree and follow it up immediately with a PhD. I projected that by then I would be about twenty eight years old at the very worst, given the volatile and unstable nature of the Nigerian academic environment. The plan looked feasible enough especially since I had the brains and the finance needed to achieve these goals would not be difficult to access, thanks to the support of my parents whom in spite of their lengthy separation never ceased to care about the welfare of their children.
Having such a detailed plan certainly did not rule out the chance of having a normal life and engaging in a level of youthful exuberance, albeit with a little caution; thus I had a steady girlfriend and we had a great relationship. I totally ruled out any prospects for a future as far as our relationship was concerned. My plan had specified that this was an issue for later, thus there was no room at that stage for such distractions as dwelling on the issue of marriage. BG, my girlfriend of course understood this as well; at least she never showed any visible objections to my open resolve. Fate decided to have its way however. Alas, BG got pregnant about two years into our relationship. The news came as a rude shock especially since we had kept sexual intercourse out of the relationship all the while. The first time thus became the ‘jackpot’ time. We were devastated. All I could think of was my life’s plan. Becoming a father at that stage was definitely not a part of it. Eventually, after failed attempts at getting rid of the pregnancy we resolved to have the baby in order to avert a worse situation.
It was pretty difficult relating the news to my parents who had been separated since I was nine but eventually they were let in on the situation. It was a painful decision but we all had to accept what had happened and deal with it. TY arrived two days after my twenty second birthday and there couldn’t have been a prouder father. It’s been almost two years since then now and looking back, I can confidently say having a daughter remains the best thing that has happened to me. My parents, siblings and friends have been most supportive and it’s easy to say I’m the envy of most of my peers. I smile and chuckle when I hear comments like: “Bro, I want to be a father too.” My academic pursuits are still in progress and so are BG’s. We are still together even though we are not married yet but that has now become part of the plan somehow. I can’t stand my daughter having to live with the burden of having ‘separated parents’ and I have resolved to be the best father to my daughter even if it means making compromises.
