I remember the very first time I saw the motion picture ‘The Brothers’ featuring Hollywood stars Morris Chestnut, Shemar Moore, Bill Bellamy and D.L. Hughley among others. Being a bit younger then, I must confess I had been very irritated by the way the ‘brothers’ treated the issue of romantic commitment with trepidation. Somehow, they could not seem to bring themselves into getting committed in their relationships and this had really freaked me out. These days however, I have begun to see reason with them and I feel almost like a ‘brother’ too.
I wouldn’t necessarily call myself ‘promiscuous’ but then, a man has got to act like a dog he is sometimes. I never saw, and neither do I still see a reason why I have to stay stuck to one partner, at least for now. I still have a long way to go in life for crying out loud! I have a girlfriend and I must confess I care about her very much, and for no reason would I ever want to lose her. Debbie remains perhaps the best girl I have ever had, but still, there is a slight problem I have to contend with. I know someday soon, I would have to settle down, raise a family, be a man and a good father and role model to my kids, but somehow, the thought of this scares me. I can’t seem to get over Debbie’s seemingly endless questions, as to whether I love her or if I was simply playing her? Was I going to dump her soon like the others before her? What plans did I have for our future together . . .? The list is endless and excruciating. Somehow, I have always managed to escape her pressures by telling her exactly what I assumed she wanted to hear but of a truth I do feel bad that I am probably just deceiving her. I feel so guilty . . . and scared too.
Now, anyone would think I don’t care about her but really, I do, and seriously too. I wouldn’t deny having flings with other girls from time to time; not that I care about any of these other girls, but because it just happens. But then, that is quite understandable. Variety, they say remains the spice of life and as I said before, a man has got to act like a dog he is sometimes. Besides I am not yet married, so why not have my fun now? Marriage! Now that is where my real worries begin to show their faces.
Much as I hate to admit it, the ‘marriage’ thing scares me. I believe so much in the chastity of marriage and the ‘undefiled bed’ principle; hence I would never want a reason why I would ever break my marital vows by having extra marital affairs and the likes. Marriage, to me is more than a wedding ceremony. It is much more than the bride getting all dressed up in a hundred yard of clothing called ‘wedding gown’, or the groom wearing a designer suit. Marriage entails ‘commitment’ and total commitment at that. Marriage signifies the compulsory end to promiscuity and an obligatory attachment and devotion to your spouse. It means suddenly taking up an entirely new life. I once heard someone say it feels like having a Cable Television with just one channel or station to watch. Indeed, for a man this is a very big step to take, and it takes a man with ‘balls’ to take such a step.
I am no coward, but the idea scares me. I see myself as an adaptive being, but then, some situations require a special kind of person to adapt to it. Marriage, to me is just one of those situations, and I believe only men with ‘balls’ could go into it. Now, I don’t know if I’ve got those kind of ‘balls’ because the ‘commitment factor’ involved makes me jittery. Even as another year draws to a close, I still find myself in this firm resolve, and honestly, I have no idea when that’s going to change. Well, as my folks would say, time and time alone would tell.
