8 times out of 10 a teen is always thinking about opposite sex relationships; shocking but true. Forget about career, parent issues; relationship is all teens have on their mind.
Many parents would rather believe that their teens aren’t thinking of such or worse involved in it. Unfortunately, the opposite is the case; even among those that look bookish! My job is teen focused and most times all I hear (directly & indirectly – I admit, I eavesdrop sometimes :)) are: “how do I know if it’s love or lust, he should stop talking to me as if I’m a baby (aka, I like him and I’m smart/old enough to be a closer friend) and my friend says I should date him that he’s a cool guy. Now, this one takes the medal, a classic M & B story: I don’t like her/him. He’s too proud, he/she has this weird look etc. Few days or weeks later they become good pals and on their way to being a couple (despite your contrary advice) albeit for a short time.
Like many Nigerians, I do not encourage teen dating but mine may be for a different reason. Having said that, what baffles me is the forbidden fruit pattern regarding teens & relationship. They seem to gravitate towards it the more you try to discourage them from it. This has got me thinking. We are probably using the wrong means to discourage them. However, the action & effect technique seems to work i.e. you ask the female teen questions that have leading negative answers so that she can realise the effects of her actions and be discouraged from it. For example,
Q: What happens when you have a sexual relationship with a guy?
A: I get pregnant
Q: What happens when you get pregnant?
A: I drop out of school.
Q: and what do people say?
A: They make fun of me.
Q: What happens to the boy?
A: Nothing
Q: So, he continues with his education while you suffer
A: Yes
The above is presumably more effective when the teen responds in personal pronouns like I get pregnant instead of she/you get pregnant. This technique would work well with girls as they see they have more to lose than the boys. So what technique do we use for the boys to cage their raging hormones?
Let’s talk.
