Hamza couldn’t understand why he was not happy with his life. As a student, he thought that things would change when he got his dream job. When he did, he was happy at the beginning. A few months into the job, he was back to his old emotional state. He then thought of another way out: that maybe he would be happy when he got married. And he did. After some time, he stopped feeling happy again. Then he fixed himself another goal. And then another. And then another. To him, happiness was forever in the future and that was how he lived for the rest of his life.
Hamza’s story is a sad one indeed. Even more sad, is that most of us, either consciously or subconsciously, live like him. There is this unwritten rule that no one can be happy unless he has achieved something. While achievements do make us happy, they don’t necessarily keep us that way. Becoming happy and staying happy are very much similar to getting an A and maintaining it: almost everyone can become happy but not everybody knows how to stay happy.
When we attach our happiness to anything outside our own selves, we are becoming externally dependent. External dependency is the chief cause of unhappiness and even depression. It is what makes us think that we must satisfy a condition before we become happy. We must get that promotion, buy that new car, have kids or be successful in business, before we live in bliss.
Dr. Richard Carlson, an expert in stress management and happiness, made an interesting discovery about becoming and staying happy. He mentioned in his book: stop thinking start living, that it is our thoughts that always create our emotions. And one can easily see why. Try thinking about a fight you had with someone and you’ll start to feel the anger. In the same way, when you focus your attention on the things you would love to have, instead of what you do have, you will experience feelings of unhappiness. By learning to see that thoughts are not real- they are just our own interpretation of things, we refuse to let it control our emotions.
He further explained that we all possess the ability to dismiss thoughts. As soon as a thought enters your head, analyze whether it would make you happy or sad. If the thought is a sad one, simply dismiss it.
To escape depression, we must learn to live in the present moment. Relax and enjoy every minute that you can. Thinking too much about either the future or the past strips us of the happiness that we could have been feeling right now. And who knows? We may never even get the chance to see tomorrow. So, why worry?
“Happiness resides not in posessions and not in gold, the feeling of happiness dwells in the soul.”
Democritus
