PART I: MY RANTINGS
Sigh. Finally. They’ve all left. It’s just me here now.
I’m alone.
Did I hear you ask why? Simple; because I’m crazy.
Well. If refusing to sleep with your girlfriend because you think it’s not the most important thing; you have the rest of your lives to do that; if that is being crazy, I guess I am crazy.
If being truthful and honest and blunt…to the point of appearing rude is being crazy, I definitely am crazy. Off my rocker. Boom.
If refusing to spend my Friday nights guzzling alcohol and bawling at barmaids and not-so-dignify able women while listening to loud music and getting pawed by said women is being crazy; well register me for a home, for I sure am crazy!
If being able to think multiple times over within the space of seconds; if being able to empathize…understand and relate to the most ‘bizarre’ and unusual people…if having a listening ear and lending it to anyone who feels lost…if all that is being crazy; I am crazy.
If talking to myself in loud volumes…if throwing tantrums in the middle of the road at imaginary friends (okay…a bit extreme…I know), if listening to loud music is crazy…well then I am crazy. Someone call Yaba left!
You know, I wonder why they call me crazy…when the same guys who call R.Kelly pedophile now chase around underage ‘grown’ girls in secondary schools…their excuse? “Well…the old ones are becoming used…and it’s always best to catch them young!” Yeah…right.
I mean…lookit Michael Jackson (okay…I’m never got the white-skin, baby dangling, breathing-chamber-breathing, silk mask wearing, plastic-surgery-nose-falling-off Michael)…but homie gave me about three of the greatest albums in music…EVER! I’m sure some early strains of his craziness gave strength to his genius. No doubt about it…crazy is the new cool. I mean…check me out. I am crazy…right? Yet you stayed here long enough to get to this point…so my craze entertains you, abi? Or better yet…we have something in common…or my craze helps you see better! How’s that sound? I just want to be me! If you can’t deal with it…GO HANG!! Can I Please Be Me?
I’m constantly testing the walls of this prison…this ‘Matrix’ of an existence that seeks to make us all zombies…prisoners…trapped in a world of our own making…trying to help we all understand there’s more to life than all the bullshit we see…and they…YOU ALL call me crazy…I don’t care…as long as I’m helping!
But now…let’s look at the downside.
Truth is though…as much as my ‘I JUST WANT TO BE ME’ speech sounds noble and fancy…it is not easy. I am a human being…with human feelings and emotions. Inside me is that human desire of wanting to love and wanting to be loved! I love hugs! I want kisses! I want to cuddle! I want someone to call me just to ask…”How are you today…my friend?”
I don’t have many friends. Because realistically…most of these guys…you guys do not understand me! And probably the concept of ‘accepting people’ is a strange one to most of you…because you like me when it’s all good…but complain and run at the first sign of ME. How does that work?!?
It’s really lonely here…I tell you…Honest, I can imagine how Jim Carrey felt back then when his wife left him…saying he was really crazy and she could not cope…Jim Carrey…man who has made/who makes a lot of people happy. That’s love for you…”I will always love you unconditionally…AS LONG AS…”…I can relate to Mr. Carrey…because I was dumped too…in fact I’ve been dumped twice in six months…because of some decisions I made…
“In changing times…men must hold on to unchanging principles.”
What is happening? Somehow…all those things that used to count do not make sense anymore. So why try?
Just because I’m unusual…you call me crazy. That’s the only way I make sense to you, right? That’s the only way you can reconcile my existence, abi? If we were somewhere else…like the states or…you’d probably say I’m an alien…fell of a meteorite or some other crazy stuff.
Well. If that’s what works for you guys…if that’s what helps you sleep…so be it. I might walk naked in the streets…just to get your attention. Allow me. After all, I AM CRAZY.
