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Have you ever almost had an accident because you saw some 45-year-old-looking ‘sister’ in an obviously unyielding short skirt? Bum blocked your windscreen, right? Thank God you’re alive to read this! Blame it on fashion…and the alcohol! These people must be on some serious Hennessey to leave even their rooms with clothes like these! When did we humans go from comfort to ‘whatever that hot slim lady on page 39 wore’? I choose to point out the adjective ‘SLIM’. If you ain’t…it’s not gonna work!
You hear celebrities going on about how “Comfort is very key in choosing outfits”. Lies! All lies! As my friend always says, “If your bum don’t look great in those jeans, honey…take ‘em right out!” So utterly true. I’m not insinuating that just because you are on the ‘big side’ (conscious effort NOT TO USE CAPITAL LETTERS!) you’re not justified to wear a hot pair of jeans, or a killer figure-hugging dress…for God’s sake I’m no Nicole Richie! My fundamental point is: wear what suits you and your figure. You’ve probably heard this a trillion times but if you want to go on suffering in those leather pants (LEATHER!) just ignore this!
Clothes are meant to fit you, and not you fitting the clothes. If something fashionable does not look great on you, go for something else. There’s always another fashionable piece of clothing or footwear. Come on…fashion magazines come out daily. Ever watch those teenage movies where, suddenly, something is fashionable just because everybody is doing it? Notice how ridiculous the trends are and how wrong things turn out? Yes, that’s how bad it looks when fuller boys wear skinny jeans.
Everyone is entitled to what is hot and new, but not at the expense of your breathing. If something does not look good on you, boo hoo! Change the outfit…or look like a bloated frog. Your call! And no, it’s not because you’re too fat. If you feel that bad, stop moaning about it and hit the gym! If you can’t afford that, there is always the road/street. Get up and get jogging!
Muffin tops…flabby bellies…squashed bums…wobbly legs in those ‘gats-to-belong’ heels…sagging bosoms…glaring thongs…bruised thighs…there’s absolutely nothing our eyesight doesn’t suffer these days. Get a belt or a new wardrobe! Whether or not people accept it, we all come in different shapes and sizes. I’m not going to fool you by telling you that you should wear anything you please. I wish I could wear a lot of things but I can’t because I’m not ‘built’ for some of them. Do not leave people wondering whether the economic crisis has robbed you of affording a mirror. Fashion goes along side with comfort. You should always be able to balance the two. Miss B does it doesn’t mean you can! Her booty might have nothing on yours! No offence but…err…she has a personal trainer!
Make sure your body looks and feels good in your clothes, not just the latter. Get it right, this doesn’t mean limiting yourself because you are skinny or plump. It just means knowing what is right for your type. A lot of bigger ladies rock minis, but the plain truth is it’s not for everybody. Oops…trampled on some nerves there.
Citizens I’m being honest here! We need to hear these things sometimes. No harm intended…mostly! If you saw a dog in a cat suit, wouldn’t you be worried?! Not that you’re a dog or anything! Dogs in cat suits are as wrong as a pot-bellied ‘lad’ (probably older than your father) in a waist coat. Crucify me not. Instead crucify the dummy who said, “Madam dis skirt fine o! Wit this belt, you fit pay N2500,” because he needed money for a cold beer at the end of the day.
Please ignore people that lie that the clothes embrace your curves. They might, but in the worst ways! Invest in some decent clothes that will decrease okada accidents. If not, ‘invest’ in a true friend who will tell you how hideous you look in those bum shorts. That should do the trick, if you really want my outlook. And, yes, I do as a matter of fact have a life.
