1. Put change in perspective. “Only when one takes a long view of marriage is one truly free to risk the exploration of both the highs and the lows, the peaks and the valleys of a growing relationship. When marriage is seen as a joint journey of mutual growth, a developmental process over a long period of time, then difficult periods can be put into perspective” (Augsburger, 1988, p. 18).
2. Whenever possible, plan ahead for changes which are likely to come. “Many of life’s events can be planned for in advance-such as having a baby-and can bring security and satisfaction. Some aspects of the various seasons of a marriage are fairly predictable in the changes they bring. These also can be anticipated” (Wright, 1982, p. 12).
3. Adjust to the changes in your partner. Some changes can wreck a marriage, such as alcoholism, drug use, mental and physical cruelty, and infidelity. These belong in a class by themselves. However, much change can be accommodated when we truly accept our partners as persons of value. The passage of time by itself changes people. Also, God’s love and our love may actually be freeing our partner to grow and change toward his or her potential. In such change we should take delight.
Elizabeth Achtemeier shows the connection between this adjustment, accommodation process, and Christian marital commitment, “We must also learn to accept each other, with all our faults and imperfections. Christian marriage is not only total commitment; it is also accepting commitment, learning to love and value the other for the imperfect person he or she is” (Achtemeier, 1976, p. 43).
4. Grow and change with your partner. One wife rationalized that her divorce was appropriate by saying, “I’ve outgrown him.” One of the important avenues to growth together in marriage is communication. Continue to show unconditional love and acceptance.
