You are probably thinking I am off my rocker with this one… Maybe you are right! But before you string me up on a cross or wrap a petrol-soaked car tyre around my neck, I would like to defend myself! I was going to rail against the corruption and filthy lucre that bedevils the Nigerian society as we know it. I was going to rail against the goddamned incompetent, paedophiles in the House of Assembly who want to increase their quarterly allocations (substitute for ‘share of National cake) from N27million to N42million, while the minimum wage for civil servants remains far below the paltry N52,000 they have been fighting for years to earn. I was going to take on the inefficient behemoth known as the Nigerian Government single-handedly, in an ill-advised repeat of ‘David vs. Goliath’. What happened? My ‘technical advisors’ cut my activist wings in the bud and reminded me that Nigerians already know these problems and are looking for avenues to drown their sorrows in, and not being forced to endure another voice added to the cacophony of voices who relentlessly but ineffectively cry out against our useless, hard-hearted Government. Enough of the digression, let’s get down to business…
Most of this short piece is going to be viewed from a man’s angle, and if you females feel very strongly about what is contained herein then I suggest you write a rebuttal or re-educate we males because we truthfully have no idea of what the hell goes on in a female’s mind (and can’t be bothered, sef)!
Ok… Number one, we lads are first and foremost, attracted to the physical qualities of a female. Forget the crap most males spout about how intelligence and personality are important; the honest truth is if a female is not at least 40% ‘looks’, (depending on the taste of the guy) then we are not interested. True, personality and brains are important but they are secondary requisites. Two, males are also extremely horny… I have no idea why, but somehow I think Adam is to blame for this but let’s move on and not dwell on our ancestor’s flaws… Keep all the factors I have listed in this paragraph floating in the empty caverns of your mind because they are the main arguments for the main point I want to make. Three, males do not like ‘wahala’! We are extremely irritable (forget all the protestations of love and the implied tolerance associated with it) and simple and hate being called nineteen times a day to answer inquisitions on the state of our health, and the compositions of the meals we have had and how our day has been and what we intend to do for the rest of the day… Call us insensitive and you will probably be right. Maybe Adam should take the blame for that one too!
Here’s my point. If we predominantly enjoy the physical and mental qualities of a female but do not care for the loads of baggage that accompany her (yes, you ladies have a lot of wahala), why go into a long-term relationship in which the ‘cons’ might outweigh the ‘pros’? Why not just engage a temporary consort where there are no strings attached and each party is free to ‘play the field’? This option sounds like a safe bet against broken hearts, unfulfilled promises and such… While I do not practice what I preach (who does?), I believe this is the way to go until one is sure he/she is ready to settle down and can begin courting a desirable partner in earnest.
Yes, roll your eyes at this suggestion. It sounds pretty silly but does it? How many of you have had your hearts broken by people you thought loved you, and who probably swore by Yaradua’s health that you were the only one for them? Would you not have felt better if you spent the time wasted in that (or those) relationships in a ‘friend with benefits’ arrangement? Think about it!
I am not saying relationships are a waste of time o! If they were, your parents would never have met and spawned you, abi? As long as you are lucky to be with ‘the right person’, (who is that, really?) who makes you happy and stuff, you are on the right track. But we know how difficult it is, finding that right person. Years of painful emotional un-fulfillment and unhappiness can go by without you meeting anyone who’ll really make you happy…
Why I used the phrase ‘temporary sexual alliances’? Simple! That’s what most males want! We (with a few exceptions, including me) like regular, stress-free sex! Our genetic configuration impels us to think and act that way. Oya, lie that five seconds after you saw that pretty female you went nuts over, you didn’t starting fantasizing about a roll in the hay with her! Just you try and lie your way out of that one! Okay, since we NOW all agree that that’s the main thing we lads want, why not just state that from the get-go or consort with women of easy virtue? Life will be much easier that way, no?
** I suspect I have shot myself in the foot with this one!**
