It is generally believed that the most sensitive and emotionally tasking relationships are those between a man and a woman. One wrong move has the tendency of destabilizing a person to the extent of one becoming a shadow of one- self. On the other hand, when the relationship is plain sailing and achieves the desirable end result – a blissful union-s both parties are fulfilled and happy with their decision.
Why then is this relationship between a man and a woman called courtship? What is the whole idea behind it and what does it really entail? It has been said that courtship is the period when a lady says I CAN before she says I DO. Meaning that at this point in the relationship the lady should have critically assessed the man, weighed all her options, done her necessary homework and come to the decision that the gentleman in question suits her expectations of what she wants in her husband and vice versa. It takes both parties who are mutually committed to finding happiness with each other to advance from the level of courtship to marriage. At this stage, they have both advanced from the puppy love to the point where they are solely and totally committed to getting married. A time where they are both thrown together and allowed to see the not so pleasant side of each other and still decide to remain with the person.
Sadly however, not all courtships lead to marriage. Not because any particular rules were flaunted or adopted (there really are no hard and fast rules to courtship) but maybe because some vital piece of information was overlooked, or it could even be because certain things were taken for granted and there were consequences to bear. Many have proffered suggestions that are supposed to guarantee a favorable end result – from putting each other to the test, to setting traps (all in the hope that some hidden truths would be revealed). Some even go as far as consulting mediums to ensure that they do not fall victim of making a wrong choice and ending up miserable for the rest of their lives. This goes to show that the issue of courting a person with the intention of getting married to that person should not be handled with levity. Although there are no hard and fast rules to achieving the desired aim as earlier mentioned, there are still a few things that if taken into consideration would ensure that nobody gets hurt or broken hearted.
A story was told of a lady who was close friends with a man. They were so close to the extent that there was no secret between them. The relationship was on the borderline of being intimate, but was not quite so. Both enjoyed each other’s company, fulfilled each other’s requirements for a good companion, and it was only a matter of time before wedding bells would toll – or so people thought.
Time rolled by and people began to wander what the reason for the delay was. The lady decided to take matters into her hands and confront the issue. She approached the fellow and decided to have heart-to-heart talk with him. She asked him what his intentions were towards her and wanted him to clearly define what kind of relationship they had and if they were of the same opinion that it was leading to marriage.
On hearing the word marriage, the fellow jolted and was visibly shocked at the mention of the word. He explained to the lady that it was never his intention to marry her but believed that they were just good friends. He apologized for giving her the wrong impression and tried to make her understand that it was not his intention to lead her on but just assumed that they were on the same page.
The lady was devastated but managed to regain her composure enough to deal with the situation. It took a lot of time and commitment on her part, but she eventually got over the ordeal, allowed herself to heal emotionally, and managed to build a meaningful relationship with someone else based on mutual understanding.
From this story, I truly believe that nobody was singularly to blame for the misunderstanding or misinterpretation of intention. Where they both missed it was in not clearly defining their relationship from the outset. It is strongly advised that while emotions are running high, and from all indications the writing is on the wall, one must refrain from making assumptions. DO NOT assume that both of you are on the same page and pursuing the same goals. ASK SPECIFIC QUESTIONS. Are we just friends? What are your intentions for me? This is not suggesting that the lady should force the hand of the man, but with finesse she should broach the issue confidently if the situation is not clearly defined.
As much as you would not want to scare him off by being pushy, you also should not put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of. Guys could be complacent and would rather not want to rock the boat. But for your peace of mind and in order to avoid meeting your waterloo, ASK QUESTIONS.
The previous point buttresses another vital aspect which is the need to TALK ABOUT ISSUES. Like the story points out, talking things through helps a lot, especially where there are misconceptions or misunderstandings that need to be clarified. Talking helps clear the air and one would be surprised at the information that would be revealed if both parties actually sat down and talked about things from the mundane to the trivial, to the inconsequential, to the serious. It would help a perceptive person gather facts and details for evaluation and assessment.
At the risk of sounding calculative and conniving, I implore that one should take these suggestions into consideration. However, what is sauce for the goose might not necessarily be sauce for the gander. That is to say that what works for one person might not apply in another person’s case.
There are also a vast number of reasons why courtships do not lead to marriage ranging from infidelity to unbearable behaviour or character traits like violence, lies and so on. But one thing remains certain. In choosing one’s life partner, one needs to approach the matter with both eyes wide open and all senses alert. I personally subscribe to enlisting qualitative assistance from relationship experts, friends or people who have had the experience and finally and most importantly, ENLISTING DIVINE ASSISTANCE. All that is good and perfect comes from God; so why not ask for counsel from the One who is all knowing? It would surely prevent a lot of mistakes and heartbreak.
