Sharing a room with a complete stranger is one of the hardest things that you’ll have to do at college. It has the potential to cause more problems than you ever thought possible, and to turn your life outside of classes into a living hell. However, it can also be a hugely rewarding experience, and you may end up with a friend for life. Of course, not all roommates are destined to be the perfect companions for one another, but as long as you remember a few simple guidelines, it should be possible to remain on good terms with one another.
The first thing to remember is that the room belongs to your roommate as much as it does to you. This means that anything that you do affects him or her also. Consideration is the most important part of surviving your shared experience. Vague as this sounds, it is the key to a successful relationship, and can be applied to the following aspects of sharing a room:
1. Mess
As teenagers living away from home for the first time, no-one is expecting you to be as neat and tidy as your mothers would like. However, remember that your roommate has to live in the mess that you create. Try to keep things tidy. Living in a small, cramped space means that mess can quickly become an issue. If you or your roommate really cannot manage to be tidy, then divide the room so that you each know which is your area. Then you are both free to mess up your side without causing each other any inconvenience.
2. Noise
For many, the word “college” is synonymous with crazy parties and late night drinking binges. This will usually result in either one or the other of you returning late to the dorm. If you return when your roommate is sleeping, or you know that they have early classes the next day, try to be quiet on your return. Waking each other up at three am by singing drunken songs and falling over the wardrobe is a sure fire way to create conflict. If you have a small lamp, or fairy lights, leave them on when one of you goes out, so that you can see your way to bed when you come home. During exam periods, or when papers are due, the noise rule should also be extended to the daytime. Don’t bring all of your friends to hang out in your room when your roommate is trying to work.
3. Guests
It is vitally important that you ask the permission of your roommate before inviting your friends to stay. He or she may say no, but they will usually have a reason for this, such as illness or a heavy work load. If you ask and are refused, you can reschedule for a time that
is more convenient. This is infinitely preferable to the arguments which occur when you simply turn up with guests in tow. Likewise, your roommate is unlikely to appreciate you bringing strangers back to the room after a night out. They may not be strangers to you, but this is your roommate’s personal space, filled with their belongings, and they may not feel comfortable sharing it with people that they do not know.
There are other things to remember if you wish to make your time together a happy one. If you have shared a room with a sibling in the past, you may think that you are well equipped to deal with the experience. This is not the case. A sibling is somebody with whom you have grown up, and whom you know inside out. Remember that your new roommate is a stranger, and that you do not know how he or she will react in different situations. They cannot be treated in the same way as a brother or sister.
Talk to your roommate. When you first arrive at college, you will probably be terrified. You are in a new place and you don’t know anybody. Your roommate will feel exactly the same. They can be an instant friend, and settling in will be a lot easier with a companion. In addition, if you form a bond early on, your roommate is liable to be much more forgiving when you mess up.
Learn when not to talk. Sharing a room means that more time than usual will be spent in a small space with a person that you don’t really know. You need to be able to recognize when your roommate needs to be left alone. If they don’t want to talk, don’t take it as a personal attack, or assume that there is a problem. They may just need some space.
Be flexible. It is important as roommates to learn to work around each other. Familiarize yourselves which one another’s schedules. Most of all, you must be willing to make adjustments for each other.
Finally, learn to apologize. Inevitably, there will be times when you disturb or annoy your roommate. Don’t sit quiet and hope that they haven’t noticed or won’t say anything. When you know that you have messed up, confront the issue head on and say sorry.
Sharing a room may seem daunting at first, but you’ll soon come to realize that it can be an immensely fulfilling experience. However, some roommates are simply not compatible with one another. If you and your roommate really can’t work through your issues, then arrange for one of you to move, for both of your benefits. If there are truly irreconcilable differences, then it is silly to waste your college experience on making one another miserable.
