It is widely believed that fathers do not have to play active roles in raising the kids, mothers should be fully responsible for the raising of the kids. This belief is very wrong, fathers as well as mothers have important roles to play in the lives of their kids. Studies have shown that kids raised by two active parents grow up with very good moral values and they end up being very successful both academically and financially, much more than kids raised by a single mother or with a dysfunctional father.
The importance of a father in raising a child cannot be over emphasized. Below are tips on a successful fatherhood. They were extracted from the views of different successful fathers in different fathers’ fora. For better reading and greater understanding, the views were filtered, streamlined , narrowed down and summarized to the eight tips discussed below.
Eight Tips on Successful Fatherhood
Get Involved Early. Many people believe that fathers can only get involved in raising a kid when the baby is no longer being breastfed. It is quite wrong! Fathers can get involved as early as… immediately after child birth. The earlier the better. If you wait for a particular time before you start getting involved, it’ll be a little difficult because the baby would see you as a stranger initially. You would need to put extra effort to warm yourself into the heart of the baby. You can get involved early by sometimes helping to bath your baby, bottle feed your baby , change your baby’s diaper, soothe him/her when (s)he’s crying and rock him/her to bed.
Start Studying your Baby Early. As a father, you need to start studying your baby as soon as possible. Learn to study his/her signs and signals to be able to understand him/her, since babies can’t talk. For instance, some babies suck their fingers when they are hungry while some suck theirs for fun. Studying isn’t limited to babies only, rather you keep studying your kids through out your life time. A good father should be able to predict each and every child he has to a reasonable extent. It starts by studying.
Learn To Listen To Their Views. Learn to listen to your kids. If a child does something you think is stupid, you don’t just scold him, rather, you should ask for his reasons. Sometimes a child would have a good reason for taking an action but he may childishly adopt a silly method. If care isn’t taken, you would scold the child and end up confusing him the more. Some months ago my neighbour caught his seven-year-old daughter spraying insecticide on her body. He was about spank her when I knocked at the door. I got in and found my neighbour very furious, his daughter was already weeping and I asked him what was going on. He explained to me and I calmly called the girl and asked her why she did something like that. She explained that after spraying insecticide in the evening, some mosquitoes still manage to come in much later in the middle of the night. So she was trying to fortify herself against those “mid-night” mosquitoes. So I educated her on the dangers of spraying insecticide on her body and I also told her about mosquito repellent creams. By the time I was through with her, my neighbour had also realized that spanking wasn’t the best option. I think I was able to pass the message more effectively than any kind of spanking.
Spend a Lot of Time With Your Kid/Baby. It is very good to try your best to spend more time with your kids. You can go fishing with them, go hunting with them , take them to school or volunteer to go and pick them from school. Let them know you and you should know them too. Kids want to know their “Daddy”, as well as their “Mummy” and they want both parents to know them too.
Swap Roles With Your Wife. It is necessary to swap roles with your wife once in a while. It may be during the weekend when you won’t go to work. You can volunteer to do the cooking, tidy the house, wash the dishes and even do the laundries. By doing that, you are showing the kids that no chore is permanently for anybody, you are also showing them that it’s good to help one another. Some African men believe that it’s absurd for a man to do any house chore. So they directly or indirectly overwork their wives. It isn’t their fault though , it’s because that was the way their fathers treated their mothers. Statistics have shown that cooking for your children draws you closer to them more than anything. That’s why most children are closer to their mother than their father.
Strike a Balance Between Fun And Discipline. You should learn how to discipline your children. They should know when and where to draw the line. When they do something wrong, point it out to them, and you have to be firm about it. Punish them if it’s necessary. At the same time, don’t be too strict. Don’t let them see you as a sadist. You need to let them enjoy your company. Let them have fun, crack jokes with them, exchange banters with them. They have to be free with you. They should be able to express their views to you, but don’t let it be too much. Don’t spoil them. Like I said earlier, spank them when it becomes extremely necessary.
Share The Same View With Your Wife whenever It Has To Do With Your Kids. Learn how to share the same views with your wife. Kids can be funny, or rather smart. They can ask you and their mum the same question individually, on different occasions at different locations. If you give them the same answer that their mother also gave them. They will believe it wholeheartedly. But when your answer differs from what their mother told them, doubts will set in. They don’t know who’s right or wrong. They may even ask other people.
Learn To Be A Role Model As A Father And As A Husband. Remember that your children are watching you. They will definitely take after you, consciously or unconsciously. The way you treat their mother is the way they will treat their wives. If you keep assaulting their mother, there is every possibility that your sons would grow to be wife beaters and your daughters would not be too keen about marriage. Mind the way you manage a difficult situation, the way you manage your anger, the way you manage you frustration, the way you manage your sorrow and most importantly, the way you manage misunderstandings with their mother. There’s no doubt about it, you and your wife would have disagreements. It comes once in a while. But the way you handle every misunderstanding matters so much because your kids are watching you! They are also learning from you unconsciously.
In conclusion, I must tell you that fatherhood is a big work. Though it comes with a lot of fun, but the challenges are there too. There are times you’ll have to make difficult decisions and there are times you’ll also have to make big sacrifices. When it comes to fatherhood, you never stop learning.
