Earlier, I talked about not using your child, especially the teenager as a spy or messenger when facing a divorce. It goes beyond that. There are many more things to avoid.
Avoid using your child as a radio! Yes, I said it. You can’t be discussing adult problems with a teen that is yet to taste adulthood. You don’t possibly expect him or her to understand what you are saying. You don’t expect a teenager who is still dealing with teenage issues and how to build relationships to be the best person to counsel you on complicated relationship matters, especially when it involves his parents.
It is quite normal to feel angry, hurt, frustrated and even sad during a divorce and want to talk to someone, but seeking solace in your teenager is not the best for both of you. Remember the teenage years don’t last forever; let him or her remain a teenager for as long as possible.
Similarly, never use your child as a ‘back at you’ weapon for your spouse. Denying kids the chance to interact with both parents is not only unfair; it will also create a form of hatred in the mind of the child towards one or both parents. You may feel your spouse does not deserve to have any contact with your child especially if the spouse never had time for the child before the divorce, but the best way to go about it is not to keep the child away from the other parent (except in cases of abuse), because you are not only getting back at the spouse, you are hurting the teenage child too.
These little things can damage a teenager’s psyche permanently and constitute the major causes of “good kid gone bad” in the society today.
