Before the majority of us argue that the Nigerian economy is immune to the economic downturn/crisis being experienced by the developed nations because it seems to us like the ‘white man’s problem/issue’, let us kindly consider this example:
Dora and Alex were such an item, two of a kind, theirs was considered the ideal and stable relationship after four years and they were still best friends. Then, came the ‘change’. Alex’s office embarked on a downsizing process as business wasn’t exactly successful any longer (reasons: the sluggish economy). He was one of the lot who got the lay-off, and for a period, became unemployed during which time crept in financial insecurity, not to mention the depression he had plunged into as a result—this being a rather humbling period in his life. Luckily however, Dora still held on to her job, but as a marketing executive, her very demanding position yielded a moderate salary that wasn’t exactly comforting. Then was this underlying matter which was that a few months to this violent change, they had made personal plans to announce and begin wedding preparations. Of course, this had to be put on hold. Tension crept into the once relaxed affair. Alex became suspicious of Dora, Dora began to accuse Alex of not doing enough to find a new job, and so on. Dora desires the wedding by all means, and due to the nature of her job, has actually come across other men who have expressed their intentions for her. But thankfully for us, her conscience is very much alive, hence, Alex still plays the leading role in her life. Alex, on the other hand, feels like a complete failure: that he may not actually be doing ‘more-than-enough’ to secure a job, he feels that his best is not good enough. Where then, do these two pick up the pieces and move on?
Certainly, this is a basic scenario in most homes: cases abound where the head of the household is not being paid well enough to cater to the immediate needs of his family. Where the wife is also not paid any better or is a stay-at-home mum, such a family would see the wisdom in adjusting their budget to meet their needs. No matter how tight. However, it is still possible to maintain a healthy and sane relationship amidst all this. Both partners have momentous roles to play in setting things right. Communication becomes key.
As the gentleman,
- be willing to discuss your moods; because, depression as a psychiatric disorder—if concealed—can be very unhealthy slowly resulting in persistent feelings of hopelessness, dejection, poor concentration, lack of energy, inability to sleep, and even suicidal tendencies. By being honest and open about how you feel, you succeed in sharing a problem that can now have a solution.
- Do bring in words of encouragement, e.g., after an exhausting day of job-hunting, let your partner know that there’s always a brighter day for you. She’ll love to hear this, and to know that you are not all ‘gloom’ and such a whiner. Put on a smile.
- Let her know your progresses, it is important that she knows what efforts you are making to relieve the financial tension, so that you do not run the risk of being accused of indolence (laziness).
- Invest more to seeing that she feels special by still doing the romantic things you used to e.g., saying ‘I love you’ more, special treats like a warm breakfast in bed, refreshing evening walks, serenades, love letters/poems,: there are a few things that money can’t buy!.
As the lady,
- you would kindly want to do away with nagging, as this may be doing more damage to the already stressed situation.
- Encourage him now and again with your kind words.
- You would want to bring in the spiritual angle to things, as well.
- All acts or manners that could excite suspicion in the minds of either party, should be avoided.
- Lastly (and this may seem difficult), try not to envy your girlfriends. This could go a long way to keeping you focused on one goal: recovery. Spend more time with friends who have your interests at heart. Your situation is not static! It should change for the better, if you believe it will.
Most importantly, both partners must have faith and hope in the relationship and in each other, and by working as a team, can amiably tackle the existing ‘crunch’(which by the way, is very real).
Margeret .E.
