We have very often heard about issues surrounding mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws or daughter-in-laws and their mother-in-laws, but, we very rarely hear about the relationship between mother-in-laws and their son-in-laws. The reality is that, some mother-in-laws do have issues with their daughters’ spouses and this very often but not always, strains relations between the two families. Most husbands or potential husbands will say that they are blessed and lucky to have such wonderful parents-in-laws, but a few others may not say exactly the same of theirs.
A friend felt very depressed and upset after introducing her fiancé to her parents; her mother instantly developed an issue with her man and never stopped seeing his flaws— this is a girl who values her family’s opinions greatly, so, one is only left to imagine how heartbreaking it had been for her. Although they are now married, somehow her mother still hasn’t put her husband in her good books. It is affecting her because she sees how much her husband is always very eager to please when he’s around her mother, but the criticisms still exist.
I may not know exactly why this happens, but here are some good tips parents and especially mother-in-laws can consider when being faced with their daughter’s husband:
By the virtue of marriage, two wonderful families are brought together and united in oneness, love and friendship. But this doesn’t mean that sometimes there won’t be a few minor disagreements here and there, especially as they are both new to each other. However, such times ought to be rare. And for this to be so, both families have important roles to play in setting things right.
As parents-in-law, and especially as a mother-in-law, the first step to getting along with a son-in-law is by accepting him for the person he is. No one is perfect, that’s for sure, which means your son-in-law isn’t. By accepting him, you are accepting his shortcomings as well, and you are making him feel very much at home when he is around the both of you.
Do not attempt to shape him into someone you think he should be for your daughter. Your daughter; his wife, should take care of that aspect herself. Although it will be easy for you both to feel that your daughter isn’t quite seeing things the way you are seeing them, kindly recall that she is married to him and love may make her overlook those faults you see. If it is something you think needs to be addressed urgently, draw your daughter’s attention to it instead. Then, let her handle things from there without being pressured to.
Focus on being friends. Engage him in family discussions. Invite him over for family dinners, gatherings and anniversaries. Once you have become friends, you create an open and cordial atmosphere where he can feel relaxed to open up to you.
Do not treat him as a child, because he isn’t. Even though you are like parents to him, it may be a bad idea to treat him as a child. He is an adult in his own right, there is nothing he’ll appreciate more than knowing his voice counts and that you trust him enough to take care of things.
Do not pick on his faults and flaws constantly. Even your daughter may find this unkind. You do not want her thinking this way, so do be considerate as often as it is possible. Praise him more instead. If he’s just had a hot promotion in the office, congratulate him. Even when he is down, join with your daughter to encourage him. With such an army of supporters firmly behind him, there is no mountain he can’t climb to show his gratitude.
Take a firm stand where ‘possessing ‘ your daughter is concerned, but remember not to let your son-in-law feel that he has little or no say about his wife—your daughter. This will make him feel helpless and feel ostracized or sidelined. Yes, your daughter was once ‘daddy’s little girl’ or ‘mummy’s best hand’ and those were loving times, but now, you have to learn to let go of that attachment just a little. By the virtue of marriage, her husband is now at the centre of her world. So let him feel in control as often as possible.
Lastly, be friends with his parents and his family as well. Let them feel welcomed in your house, anytime and in any season.
A son-in-law who is well-treated and respected, is certainly one who will always want to do his best to see that he does not let you, or anyone else, down.
