This must be a very normal emotion. I say normal in the sense that everyone; man and woman, boy and girl has experienced it, one way or the other. I have too. Jealousy; the instance of being jealous, that is, feeling bitter and unhappy because of another’s advantages, passions and luck is a familiar experience in human relationships. Some can control theirs that it almost becomes nonexistent. However, when it comes to friendship which involves mutual feelings of care and trust embracing behaviours that typify relationships between friends, does jealousy actually heal, does it actually make both partners understand each other better and become more appreciative of one another? Jealousy is experienced by those in love and also by those in different forms of companionships. It may be borne out of the feelings of insecurity experienced by one party over the other revealing an inner state of rivalry or possessiveness. It may be aroused by trivial issues; the way clothes fit on your close friend’s body, or be aroused by not-so-trivial things such as a best friend’s hot promotion at the office. When this happens, does the jealous partner recognise it as a vehicle of change to be used to improve on his or her shortcomings and eventually draw them closer and affectionately to the other partner radiating the warmth of such personal emotional liberation, or, does the jealous partner immediately deny openly and honestly the presence of such an emotion but secretly transforms it into unhealthy possessiveness, becoming overly dramatic and violent, transformed into hate that can be simply destructive? Can jealousy or its tendencies be channeled constructively for self-improvement and consequent enrichment of the relationship? In today’s times, is this really feasible?
I shall cite a personal example which concerns a gentleman I could easily term a very good friend, a brother figure to me. I suppose he was a brilliant chemist, but he was undoubtedly fun to be with, outgoing, and vivacious. We met in the university where he was then, reading a five-year course whilst I dwelt on a four-year programme. Our friendship and bond blossomed and everyone almost regarded him as my brother. He exhibited those essential cares, affection and trust typical of a sibling. But Chemistry was a five year-course and Economics, four years in the university we attended. So it wasn’t my fault that he was a undergoing a five-year academic training in school while mine, a year less. It was not my fault still that I got to finish the race before he did and secured a ‘bullet-fast’ ticket to go on my national youth service programme whilst his was still pending for some frustrating reason beyond his control. But though I told him where I had been posted for my service and he was proud of me and cracked flattering jokes about it, communication suddenly became nonexistent. When he could, he took his phone and called to say hi, and asked if I were back from my three weeks mandatory orientation on the camp? Well, he must have been bewildered when I told him I had actually finished! Yes, completed the one year of it. He sure was not keeping record. Finished? he said, finished, I giggled and he said he would come over to celebrate it; after all, his ‘baby sister’ was through with that service year.
Of course, he did not come. And never did, never called, we never spoke. I tried sending him text messages but how difficult it was to get a reply. He was deliberately shutting me out for reasons I couldn’t comprehend initially. It was scary, he was always all sweet-natured, I never knew he was capable of such stormy attitude to me. But as my beloved one put it once or twice to me, he told me I need not worry, that this friend would come round one day–to his senses, that is. Well, three years later, he did. We do still maintain a healthy relationship with each other and communication is fairly satisfactory, but I try not to mention my successes to him now for fear of being shut out again. Although it is clear to see that he has evolved for good beyond the obvious jealous streak that threatened our friendship for three years (he has completed his national service now), I can’t help but think that a little something died in me during that period; I lost some faith in the relationship. The period may have changed my friend positively, but I wonder, has it really sustained our friendship? Has jealousy not caused more harm than good in the relationship? Many questions, quite tricky answers.
