You are probably wondering what this is about. This quandary of Fatherhood and the sacrifices they must make. Fathers are very important figures in any child’s life, it is almost criminal to have a child grow apart from his father. We can well imagine why Jesus would cry to his Father about being abandoned. I am presently having to face this issue unfold right in front of me and I want to share an experience that I am witnessing between a father who has been absent for years and his two sons.
A neighbor’s husband has been away for 10 years and he came home a few months ago and got me laughing when I heard him ask his wife, in referring to his last child, ”Is this Papa D?” Add the American accent and you have a very comic situation. I’m not interested in why and what he had to do away from home for 10 years. By studying this family, I’m interested in finding out how his absence has affected the growth of his 2 sons, the last being only 2 years old when he left and whom he did not recognize when he returned.
They are getting along well, it appears. I listened to them once, as they stood outside my window . The father was talking about life in the US and the boys were regaling him with tales of Silverbird, E centre (Ozone), Shoprite and Sharwama which made me think they wanted him to take them out and spoil them a little. He made them a promise and they started making seating plans for the new car the father had just acquired.
Fatherhood!
I have noticed how the younger of the two boys got quickly attached to the father, asking questions, listening and just following the father about. The elder boy kept his distance, like he was watching the father, waiting to see if he is real or just a phantom that stopped by to say hi and move on. Up until recently, he had always kept outside by himself, earphones plugged in both ears like he was trying to shut the rest of the world out.
Hip hop! I heard him.
Here is a young boy whom his younger brother looked up to, bothered him with questions and just generally, literally pestered his life. His mother on the other hand expected him to be responsible for a lot of things around the house, from washing to cleaning to occasionally cooking… aha and putting on the generator as well as listening to her womanly tales of course. All of which he did dutifully. He is in SS 2 and already the man of the house.
To have someone come in from nowhere and suddenly capture all his brother’s attention and have his mum assume her royal duties and find out that all he is left with, is washing his clothes and putting on the generator can take a little getting used to. To find that the man is your father, who left home when you were four, demands that you slowly adapt. Today, I see this family getting along so well. I pray it never ends.
Fatherhood ! That is what my week of study of this evolving family and my eavesdropping into their conversation has got me thinking. Let’s talk about absent fathers. Father’s who are never there for one of the following reasons:
-His marriage to your mum is no longer working and they are divorced or separated, the latter is quite common among young people today.
– He is busy making money so he can provide for his family, so he never finds the time to be with his family.
– He is right there but keeps his distance and the only time he speaks is when he roars an order from behind the newspaper or in front of the TV.
– He probably doesn’t know he has a child or he denies the child is his.
-He is seeing someone else on the side and it drains him emotionally.
There are a million reasons why fathers go MIA. A million reasons why fathers sacrifice their sons on the altar of work, indifference, the laps of a strange woman or for the simple reason of not knowing how to engage actively in the raising of their sons.
I do not understand the weight of fatherhood, to say that I do, would be to say I understand why Jesus would cry to his Father, ” Why has thou forsaken me?” Thousands have speculated that God must have looked away, the weight of the world’s sin made his dear son look ugly to him.
In my opinion, that was the one moment when Jesus was all human. He felt pain – the pain of separation from the one most important figure in his life – his Father. This Father is different and though I cannot explain what happened at that moment, I can at least say why he sacrificed his son for people like you and I. John 3:16 tells of what someone referred to as Crazy Love. The Bible to me is a love story of a Father who refuses to just give up in the pursuit of his children. To give up on his children would be to forsake His very nature of Love and Fatherhood.
Fatherhood, if God is the standard, is a grand task. As we consider what God did for us in the sacrifice of His only son, let us lift all fathers up in our prayers.
Our Father, who art in heaven…
