‘Here is my advice for people who have not being married and for widows. You should stay single…But if you don’t have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire’.
Many believe the writer of this piece was basically talking about sex. This I do not completely disagree with but I believe that there was much more than just sex. ‘If you don’t have enough self-control or needs for a companionship, friendship, relationship, partnership, togetherness; if you cannot control your need for an intimate friend/partner, then get married’. In the University of Marriage, sex is just a course. That is, one will spend more time and energy on other issues (e.g. money, children, comfort, education, housekeeping etc) than with sex. So, if you cannot control loneliness, get married. I think all our craving for relationship, intimacy, love and sex comes from the desire not to be lonely.
What is Loneliness? A navy admiral ones lived for 5 months in a place near the South-Pole where the coldest cold resides on the face of the earth (-83¬¬¬¬¬oC). He was there to collect weather data but the obstacles to his success were great. Examples were the cold, wind, slippery ice, darkness, frostbite etc. However, after returning to civilization he wrote a book on his experience which he titled, ‘ALONE’. Thus, not the wind, cold, snow, nausea, sleeplessness etc could be compared with the horror of being separated from fellow human beings.
Loneliness is an empty feeling or pain(s) caused by some sort of separation from a person(s). The separation does not only have to be physical but can as well be emotional, psychological, financial, spiritual and or ideological thus, while one may actually see and feel a mate physically, there may still be separation and so loneliness.
Loneliness hurts. It renders us extremely unprotected and exposes us to temptation(s), threatening our moral and spiritual well-being. Temptations to live in self-withdrawal, leading to depression thereby, losing our self-worth. Temptations towards a twisted view of life and or God. For example: “If God truly existed and cares about me, why would He let me be hurt so badly?” Or “Only a very bad God would have permitted my spouse to die” We can even be tempted to start a wrong relationship.
The pain of loneliness disappears when a man enters into a relationship with a woman that so powerfully attracts him. The excitement; the dreams of the future and the sexual involvement can be so overbearing a relief that it does not matter if the relationship is legitimate or it is just an illicit affair. Many marriages have ended because of sexual attraction alone; I mean men and women looking for new sexual excitement.
However, it seems difficult at times (considering its rampant nature) to accept that even strong sexual attraction is enough to cause spirit filled, inspired and disciplined Christians to go against their moral and spiritual values. Most times we blame the devil but how many illicit sexual relationships begin, not out of sexual attraction or the devil but out of loneliness. How many people feeling abandoned by their mates, meet someone who shows interest, care and tenderness in them as a person and suddenly feel, “have I not made a mistake in my choice of an intimate partner?” There must be so many who have not gone out looking; who are not sexual predators, but who have become fornicators and adulterers/adulteresses out of great LONELINESS.
Some say it is an illness. Others say, it is an expression of selfishness and more than a few says it is as a result of not having the right relationship with God or not trusting Him enough. Some also goes further to assert that it is a sin but missionaries suffer because of the great distance between themselves and their families. A missionary said ones, “…no one helped me. In fact, everyone deserted me” (II Timothy 4:16), and loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named ‘not good’ (Genesis 2:16). Quite amazing; man had not yet fallen, sin had not come in and yet God said not having a mate (being alone) is not good. God and man were in a perfect fellowship or relationship and yet man lacked something important. A MATE!!!
