THE DON’TS
“Do we kiss, caress, fondle, romance or hold hands during dating?” “A little pecking shouldn’t be harmful?” “I should at least be allowed keys to his apartment!” Why should sleeping over at his place be frowned at?” “I should be able to visit her alone since her place is far and nobody is willing to go with me?” “Since we have decided to be faithful to each other by tying the knot, why should having intercourse be a sin?” “How far do I go in dating?” In fact, the questions are ever endless.
I wouldn’t like, neither would I want to give a set of rules or guidelines on these questions but would rather answer by considering our motive(s); the devil’s tricks; and God’s glory.
Motive: means the factor(s) or reason(s) that makes or influences one to act in a particular way. Before you do anything in dating, ask yourself the reason(s) why you so much passionately desire to do that thing? Why do you so much want and desire to kiss, hug, peck, caress, romance and hold hands? Is it to show affection or to aid intercourse? I have heard of dating partners that actually regarded all these acts as sinful yet, ended up committing fornication inside the church building. I have also met people that believe in some of these acts yet, maintained chastity all through their five years of dating period. In fact, the sister was still a virgin eight solid days after their wedding day. This is not to justify or say that indulging or not indulging in these acts is right but that our motive(s) is more significant than the act(s) itself.
I was brought up not being hugged, kissed, caressed, lovingly and or affectionately held by my parents that, by the time I was in my twenties, I found it extremely hard and uncomfortable to hug anybody (the masculine gender inclusive). There are brethren (I know) that will not physically, emotionally and psychologically get over a mistaken bodily contact with the opposite sex for weeks. There are also some that will hug, kiss, peck, hold, touch etc deliberately with no physical, emotional and or psychological trauma, giving one the impression that they are not human beings but stones and rocks. This also does not justify or make it right.
My experience has taught me over the years that apart from the obvious sins mentioned in the scriptures, what we do or do not do becomes sin (or otherwise) before God depending on our motive(s) or reason(s) for performing such acts. I am not saying these acts (on there own) are wrong neither am I saying it is right but that we all have motive(s) for doing whatsoever we decide to do and if that motive(s) or aim(s) is selfish, unholy, unrighteous and ungodly. Then it is not right.
“Your weakness is not my weakness”. A man of God said once that he did not allow his partner to even hold his hands while they were dating. According to his words, he just couldn’t handle the sexual drive, sexual urge, sexual desire and sexual excitement that he felt and this, some will term simple body contact. There are those that can hold hands twenty four-seven and the motive(s) for it is to renew, assure, encourage, build, invest in, increase, rejuvenate and re-assure their love and affection for each other. Thus, the motive is right. Think the lesson here is, know your limit!
The Devil’s Tricks: The devil is a cunning being which made it easy for him to deceive the first mankind. You are part still a part of that race thus you are not yet exempted from his ever increasing list(s) of delusions.
This is what I am driving at. However well your motive(s) may be, do not be slack to the devils tricks. In wanting to kiss, peck, caress, hug, touch or even hold your partner’s hands with the full aim of showing/passing love and affection; do not forget that the devil can deceive you into going beyond your initial intention(s). It is a little peck but a little peck can turn into a little deep kiss and this in-turn can become a little hug that can lead to a little caressing and fondling of sexually sensitive body parts. If you are not discipline physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually enough, you will end up with a little coitus. Ones you’ve committed this, to stop will definitely become difficult or at times practically impossible. In fact countless stories of mature, powerfully gifted, spirit-filled and tongue talking/praying children of God that have fallen under the trickery of the devil, abounds.
You want to visit him. Alright! But don’t you think a little visit can lead to deflowering? Sleeping over at his place? Very wonderful, but how do you control your sexual urges and emotions in the middle of the night with abundance of privacy at your disposal? Again I am not saying these acts are wrong but that the devils first and most powerful weapon is deception which you must be sensitive and wise to, for (indeed) prevention is better than cure (if there is a cure!!!). Don’t eat (have sexual intercourse) what you will eat and enjoy for the rest of your life (i.e. after marriage) at the early or wrong time of your life (i.e. before and during the relationship).
God’s Glory: ‘If you are hurting others by the foods you eat, you are not guided by love. Don’t let your appetite destroy someone Christ died for. Don’t let your right to eat bring shame to Christ. God’s kingdom…is about pleasing God, about living in peace…All foods are fit to eat, but it is wrong to cause problems for others by what you eat. It is best not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything else (kiss, hug, fondle, caress, touch affectionately, sleep over at his place etc) that cause problems for other followers (for)…what you believe about these things should be kept between you and God. You are fortunate if your actions don’t make you have doubts (or don’t make you sin). Romans 14:15-23 (Youth Bible). Also check I Corinthians. 8:1, 8-13.
The idea is this: let us take the act of eating as those things we so much passionately desire to do during dating. To go by this scripture, these acts are not the important issue per se, but the fact that you’re indulging in the acts with indifference can make other Christians who are weak sexually, to sin against God and thus, perish.
“Whether therefore you eat, or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God”.
I Corinthians 10:31.
