Perhaps it is common feature to see these days that most of our married men leave home without the wedding ring on their third finger. The only way of actually telling they were married is by verbal admission. It begs the question thus: ‘Why is this so? Is one partner entitled to have it on more than the other? Someone somewhere, pointed out that the general belief is that women tend to value the ‘married status’ a lot more than the men do, hence it seems only natural that their interests should revolve around such matters. True, indeed. But, because a wedding band is a ring signifying the married state or status of someone, it’s importance in a modern marriage cannot be overstated.
By close examination, many men of the older generation(i.e., those now from age 50 and more), were still a far way off in appreciating the idea of wearing wedding rings, so they let their spouses do the ‘wearing’. Thankfully though, with the younger generation being exposed to boundless information, longer schooling, and being open and eager to embrace certain Western ideals a little more, men in this contemporary generation have come to realise what the presence of the gold band on their finger does to their….self-esteem, for example. Yet, not all men have entirely embraced this idea. Why is this still so?
In an attempt to sought out the reasons for this, the following causes were stumbled on: That the ring itself is a borrowed culture, hence the white man(whose culture it is), does not leave home without it as opposed to his African counterpart. But if this is so, wouldn’t we want to agree that most of our formal and informal clothing, greetings, names, etc, are indeed, also borrowed?. Or, perhaps one must accept that ‘Men are from Mars, & Women are from Venus’!, meaning that a man is ‘wired’ or made very differently from a woman: physical-wise, emotional-wise, psychological-wise, communication-wise, etc., hence, these differences may make men easygoing on such matters. One would think there exists a certain machismo undertone to their behaviour with regards to the whole thing. But, if to love is to compromise, then, these shouldn’t be inhibiting factors. Also, it may be that most people naturally do not like wearing jewelry, and this goes for both men and women, but, unless you have lost your wedding band (which shouldn’t be), the wedding ring must be considered very different from other ornaments, by you. Lastly, it may be that the ring acts as an item of psychological or social barrier for the wearer, but, unless you plan on cheating(forgive my directness) on your spouse, this ornament ought to be flaunted by you.
The ring should be accorded the recognition it deserves. It should be a reminder that either spouse has submitted and committed themselves to that special someone. No one will see it as discriminatory or intimidating, it just adds to your social status and could even accord you greater respect among your peers. If you aren’t working in a job where wearing of jewelry is potentially dangerous; single, divorced or widowed, there oughtn’t be any reason why you shouldn’t be seen in public with your wedding ring always.
The married state is more than just ‘feeling’ married behind closed doors, publicly, this feeling must find a way of coming out without any verbal references to it. The ring tells a lot of stories that you don’t even have to bother telling. Besides, your spouse would feel quite appreciated if she notices you go around displaying this wonderful gift she slot onto your finger after reciting those memorable words with the Minister on that special day. Not to mention, you look and appear more ‘responsible’ with it. So, if you haven’t been accustomed to wearing the ring and keeping it on in public, you may want to consider getting into the habit of doing so, it’s never late to start. And it may just turn out to be a fulfilling and worthwhile exercise in the long run.
Margaret E.
