It’s nearing the end of another wonderful year in your life, but your third finger is still ‘ringless’ and it’s inevitable – one of your relatives is going to ask you that dreaded question: ‘when are you getting married?’. If it’s not a family member, a familiar neighbour, a long-time-no-see high school colleague, it’s going to be a concerned friend, who is married. Sounds familiar?
Answering the dreaded question may leave you uneasy and, depending on the reply you can come up with, things can easily spell disaster for you. However, it really shouldn’t.
Yes, it’s easy to think or assume that you must have a “terrible flaw ” if you’ve been single for a while and haven’t had a relationship develop into marriage. But by realizing we all have flaws–single or married, and that as God’s creatures we are made in His image but fallen from perfection, and that in our very human nature we are inadequate that is why we need God’s grace and strength to perform heroic acts like: forgiving a justified resentment or not lashing back when under attack, you’ll discover that no matter what you may perceive as your “flaw,” we all have them, including the person you end up marrying. Great tip to start working on your marriage now? Start by accepting yourself, flaws and all, as a practice to one day accepting the imperfection of your partner.
Conversely, it’s not a bad idea to consider examining yourself to determine if there is something you are doing or a way you are reacting that might be contributing to difficulties meeting someone or difficulties maintaining a long-term relationship. Do you have a pattern of wanting to get involved very quickly when you meet someone? Most likely, this can be a turn-off. If you find yourself in that cycle, ask yourself why you might be pushing to get closer. Is there a fear of people leaving you? Or, do you meet someone you’re truly interested in but then always feel pressured to get involved more than you want to? Tackle this side of you, as it triggers a reaction in your date to either reciprocate that closeness, or not. Also, consider taking a personal inventory and see if you truly are ready for a close, intimate relationship. Is there an active addiction in your life, e.g., like working too much? It’s a sure way to kill a relationship. Is there anything from your past that may need healing? Check in with yourself for past emotions that you haven’t been addressing, to prevent them from spilling over into your present day relationships. If you discover you need help working through past experiences, you may consider seeking the assistance of a trusted Christian counselor, clergy, or therapist.
Finally, why not consider doing one or all of the following:
• Start socializing more. Yep! Attend that event your neighbour has invited you for, go to places where social activities thrive, but don’t do these due to sheer desperation—relax and just aim at making friends rather than enemies.
• You must find more humour and laughter in your life now: get a good job, develop fun hobbies you enjoy, create great outings. Be more cheerful even if you think you have no reason to be. Consider avoiding sad-looking and negative people–politely.
• You MUST stop holding a grudge against your married friends, siblings or neighbours! Resist being envious, instead, be genuinely happy for your best friend who has just told you she’s getting married, offer any help you can towards the hosting of the wedding. Do not avoid your married friends either—call once in a while to say hi.
• Is your immediate environment making so much emotional demands on you? Do you feel you’re losing some sanity being in the place you are, no matter how hard you try? If you can, why not consider relocating or taking a break from all the stress for a while. You may focus on finding a totally new environment for a brief getaway.
• Believe it or not, this is the time to improve on your potential wife-ing and mothering skills. Read books on how to be a better mother and an ideal wife in the home, don’t assume you already know all there is to know.
Lastly, best advice? Think positive.
