Generally speaking, habits are repeated behaviours structured out of attitudes or ideals that could be induced by either environment or self, thus molding the building blocks of character which represents the core of a personality. Habits are not stuff we were born with. They are stuff we pick on the way. They are not hereditary; but they are infectious. And because they are infectious, they can be contracted. In other words habits are learnt. Habits can also be auto-induced as fallouts of our natural inclinations or temperaments. I sound like some geeky professor of psychology, right? Well, I’m not; just trying to look intelligent. But as technical as that definition might be, I want you to focus on the key words: habit, behaviours, attitudes/ideals, character and personality. They usually go in this order:
Attitudes/Ideals
Behaviours
Habits
Character
Personality
However, for the purpose of this article, we are singling out habits, bad habits in particular. Now, it’s not hard, to see, from above, that the embryogenesis of habits (forgive my language; blame my background) is actually in the attitudes or ideals. If you have a bad attitude or wrong ideal, you soon develop a bad habit, and vice versa. So, to break bad habits and cultivate good ones, I guess you know what to do. “Yes, but how?” You asked? I know that feeling first hand, bearing in mind how I deal with my own weaknesses. But I’ll show you how I conquer them everyday; and some of them I have even forgotten. Of course, not without much struggles.
- Recognizing and Developing a New Ideal
The best way to effect a change is by replacing the old with the new, putting the desirable in place of the undesirable, giving up something bad while welcoming something good at the same time. Yet for the exchange to take place, there must be a willingness to surrender one thing for another. The question is: what are you willing to surrender to possess what you desire? If you find the question difficult to answer, perhaps you are not sure of what you really want; for when one discovers a new ideal, he is prepared to relinquish his old ways, and make the necessary sacrifice. There must be a new ideal in perspective for us to want to change; a motivation, a reason to give us the impetus or challenge to change our habits.
The key to making this amazing and life changing discovery is discontent with the status-quo and earnest desire for a change. If you are fed up with it, you’ll be willing to dispose of it. Unless we realize our maladies, a cure will remain a mirage. Unless we recognize our bad habits for what they really are—sinful, evil, awkward, unbecoming, irresponsible, annoying, immoral, dirty—we don’t bulge from them.
- Make it a Goal
It is remarkable how the mind is attuned to deal with challenges once we tell ourselves that failure isn’t an option. It is never enough to recognize and desire a new ideal. Mere desire is no more than a wishful thought until it has been set as a goal. If it is a goal, then there must be a plan to meet it; and if there is a plan, then there’s a sure path to success. Commitment to the plan is even more important, or else there is bound to be a relapse; and the later state is always worse. Therefore, resolutions must be applied to specific acts and must result in deeds rather than in concentrating on the bad habit in general. Here is what I mean: if you have a bad temper, for example, you don’t fight a bad temper because it doesn’t exist. Bad temper only means you have a large number of uncontrolled anger acts strung together. That is why you speak without thinking, get into a brutal fight or kick and break things when you are angry. The resolution to improve one’s health wouldn’t make much sense unless it is broken down into specific acts concerning health. In the same way, if you really are serious about breaking that bad habit, then, progress must be accomplished by dealing with little jots and tittles. Every time you feel your temper rising, for instance, refrain from talking, start counting down (from 10-1) in your mind, then take a walk from the scene (if possible).
Whatever vice you wish to break, go for the acts; replace them with counter deeds: quickly think of something else when you feel the urge to do something you’re sure you’ll regret later; take a glass of cold water, go for a walk in the open air, just do something to distract yourself from the temptation, and you’ll feel the tension relaxed.
Change of environment and associates also helps a great deal. The habit of temperance sure can’t be developed at a bar, nor the habit of study at cocktail parties. A healthy moral environment diminishes the possibility of a relapse. Even if a relapse occurs (it can’t be written off) the good environment will make for a quicker recuperation. You will do well to go through my earlier post on goal setting—Seven Most Effective Goal Setting Tricks.
- The Law of Motion
After all said, truth is an Ethiopian can’t easily change his skin, nor the leopard his spots. The law of motion states, “Every body continues in its state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless impressed [external] forces act upon it”. We can become so enslaved, sometimes, by bad habits that it seems impossible for us to break the chains. At such times, when we just can’t get ourselves to stop moving in the straight line of our bad habits, it takes much more than our solo effort, it takes the impression of a stronger, external force, a divine power upon us to turn us to another direction. Call it superstition or what you will, but I know, from experience, the miraculous effect of the divine grace which elevates a man to a height which he by himself would rather consider an impossible feat. It is real. But you must be willing to let go, yielding completely to the transforming Power. There is no better way to attract the divine grace than through prayer. So, you might want to say a little prayer about that bad habit and you’ll find out it’s not a bad idea at all. In fact, it is the most excellent idea.
The body cannot always heal itself; there is need for medicine from the outside. And if we submit to the dexterity of the Physician, we won’t have to struggle any more, for the medicine will surely take its effect, and infuse in us a new strength, a renewed hope, another life.
Ok, I’m not a preacher, but if you really want to quit that defiant, old, protracted bad habit of yours, then you’ll do whatever it takes.
I’ve dealt with bad habits generally in this article because should I start enumerating all of them and their remedies, I might as well be writing an encyclopedia. But perhaps there will be opportunities to deal with their specificities in subsequent posts.
Till then fill free to try out the suggestions here. And I’d really love to hear from you. Drop your question or comment below, or you may reach me at the email address at the top of this page.
Remember, change your attitude and everything changes for you.
