The passage of grief surrounding the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult to go through. It seems sometimes, that the sadness will never fade for gladness to fill your life again. These are normal reactions however and one should remember that in the process of grieving, these overwhelming and frightening feelings of loss are to be expected. While there is no one perfect way to grieve, there are ways to express your loss in ways that are healthy. Everyone grieves in different manners and bereavement coping is a tool that is very important during the process.
Grieving is a very personalized experience and there is no specific timetable on how long it will last in your life. It takes time and will occur gradually. There will be days in the beginning where you will think about your loved one almost all of the time. Eventually this will no longer be the case and you will be able to focus on other things for longer periods without being consumed with thoughts of your loss. While a friend may have gotten over his grief in a matter of weeks or months, yours could be a longer process and last years.
It is important to remember that trying to avoid your grief will only draw out the process. Ignoring your feelings will not make them disappear but will in fact make the grieving process more drawn out. Taking steps in bereavement coping is essential to a healthy healing process. One thing to remember is that crying does not make you weak. However, if you do not cry, it does not mean that you are not grieving either. Often when we lose a loved one we cry, however it should be noted that there are many different ways in which you may express your grief. Those who do not cry during the death of a loved one are not insensitive or unloving, they simply have other ways of expressing their grief.
Bereavement coping is different for everyone and may include the five well documented stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Know that you may experience any or all of these steps and that is normal. It is also natural for you to not experience these emotions in this particular order. It is also true you may cope with your grieving process without going through any of these stages. It is a very individualized process and is not the same for everyone.
Grief can sometimes be described as a roller coaster ride. It is rougher and harder at the very beginning. There will inevitably be high and low points in your mourning. The lows and downs are going to be lower during some points and longer in others. The hard times will grow less difficult to manage as the “ride” goes on and in the end, you will have slow smoother ride into the station. Turn to your family and friends during the difficult times and rely on your faith to keep you on an even keel. If you need extra help, join a support group. Most importantly, take care of yourself as you are grieving. Eat, sleep and exercise to keep your body strong.
