What’s happening peeps?
I was minding my business at home Saturday evening and playing a game on my laptop when some friends swept into my house like they were tax collectors and almost bodily carried me to a wedding ceremony of our mutual friends’ sister. I was in a really foul mood that evening as the heavy downpour which fell early that morning water-logged the pitch I play football in every Saturday morning and ensured we couldn’t play on it but I allowed myself get dragged along as the alternative was much worse…
We got to the venue at Ikeja around 4 or 5pm. Seeing all the people wearing different materials in the name of ‘aso ebi’ got me thinking; what IS ‘aso ebi’ and what purpose does it really serve? Some people argue that it is used to identify with the bride or groom on their ‘special day’ while others say it is a means for the couple to generate some revenue towards the wedding ceremony. To these two lines of thought, I say BOLLOCKS!!! Rather than serve as ‘identification’, ‘aso ebis’ have (in true Nigerian style) become tools for segregation at events. Have you ever noticed how the families of both the bride and groom share the ‘good stuff’ among ‘their’ people at some weddings? If you are not a ‘member’ of their ‘faction’ you are completely ignored the way Nigerian politicians shun their morals as soon as they rig themselves into power. Aren’t marriages supposed to unite both families? What’s with the separate feeding and seating arrangements at weddings, which alienate members of both families? As regards the other argument about ‘aso ebi’ helping to raise money for the wedding, I should imagine that you will only think of getting married WHEN you can AFFORD it! Enough said!
Like I was saying, we saw a mob of ‘aso ebi’ wearers… Most of them looked like they had been drunk for more than a year! Me that was wearing a two-piece suit, I looked at my companions and none of them conformed to the prevailing dress code so we quietly picked a table on the ‘outskirts’ of the big tent that was erected to cater for the guests. We were lucky to know several people there (some hostesses included) so getting drinks did not take too much time or effort. I wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t known them. We would probably have had to go and buy ijebu garri and sugar from the Hausa man just outside the gate and maybe beg for some water from the waiters there… After shooting the breeze with my people for around five minutes, I noticed something was terribly wrong… The wedding reception was being conducted in ONLY Yoruba language! I stared open-mouthed in shock and disbelief at the dais where the groom and bride sat. I was hoping that a family member who came from the village was serenading them with a folk song or something, following which they would switch back to English but to my chagrin, I caught some Yoruba words and they didn’t sound like they belonged in no song. My companions who were Igbo too noticed this shocking display of inconsideration and we put more effort into drowning our sorrows with the bottles of fluid in front of us. For the record, I must painfully inform you that the entire ceremony was conducted in Yoruba! Not like I was listening anyway…
15 minutes later, the place was more boring than watching a session of the Nigerian National Assembly. I was desperate enough to light up a cigarette but I didn’t fancy my chances of out-boxing the people who would feel offended by my action so I shelved that brilliant plan. I amused myself by watching the couple exchange gestures of affection and wondering how long it would last. I once heard of one couple who kicked the shit out of each other approximately 29 hours after the last guest reluctantly left the very expensive wedding party they threw! **Head shaking**
Another question that beggars explanation… Why the hell do people spent a shitload of money on wedding ceremonies when a small wedding would have sufficed? Can it be attributed to ‘peer’ pressure or the ‘Nigerian mentality’? Methinks a wedding should be a sensible celebration of love as opposed to a jamboree where the new couple try to outdo the extravagance of the last wedding they attended.
I almost forgot sef… Why do people try and pin stuff on you when you are trying to get into a wedding venue? That stuff absolutely pisses me off and I smacked the hand (and almost the face) of the woman who was aggressively trying to pin some flowery shit on me that day.
That’s enough ranting for today… It’s back to Football Manager for me!
